its 4.23am in the morning and i still havent go to sleep yet.all thnks to the game of sorority life in facebook coz im addicted to it.so now watchwing 200 pound beauty.it like my favourite movie from primary 6 i think.well now i miss it.so watching it again.i think you guy should watch it.the movie is about love romance.and it is also sad!you guys must watch it.(: i dont think i can wake up early in the morning tmrw.i think i willsleep at 6.so maybe arnd 1 ill wake up.omg.this is sucks for a virgin like me.if my parent was strict, i think i will get a letcurer by now.haha((: well got to continue watching the movie or mom will go out from her romm for the 4 times.ok chiowz for now(:

Labels: sleeping late(:

this post is especially for my beloved nek.so if you this this is boring then get lost.your negative comment is not needed here.thnks((:

nek i miss you.why must you leave me alone?why?i cant stand this.i miss every minutes and second with you.although i think you love them more then me, but still i miss you.although i never make you happy, i still miss you.why nek.why did HE take me first then you?why?i dont think i can stand this any longer.i miss you.more than anything.nek my life is so hard right now.i need you by my side.i need you to help me stand up.my life is full of misery.my life change ever since you gone.


i think mom forget about you already.i think nobody care about you.mom dont care about me.i dont know what i should do.i want to meet you nek.but im scared.im scared.i feel embaressed.why nek, why must you leave me.i feel useless now.now, nodody care about me.i feel use by people around me.just to get what they want.or maybe im too sensitive with all this.i though when you are gone, life going to be okay.but no.it get bad then worst.then turns horrible.i still remember the time when you sided me when i fought with him.although it it just one small thing you did, i still remember it alot.always.life been hard for me.


it is not the same like always when you are there with me.it felt hopeless when i see you going in and out of the hospital oftens.it hurts alot.when you get out from the hospital, you have to get injections daily.sometimes mom did it and sometime it is me.it feel so sad to see you are in pain and i cant do anything about it.it felt so stupid.i feel so selfish.im sorry coz i stole your money.yes i know it is stupid but im really am sorry.im just a stupid little girl who is greedy to get stuff for myself.i never thought your pain was serious so i didnt care much.



i thought everytime during school holidays i will meet you.or you will come to my house.then we have a great fun you will but for me barbie doll.lots and lots of toys.we will have fun the whole daywithout getting tired.it feel great.i never want to give up on it.i never want to exchange anything with your laughter.you laughter is the best medicine to my sickness.when i see your face, i forget eveything, every problem that is in my head.you are like an angel coming down from the sky helping and granting me every wish.you are the most beautiful person in my life.you always been there for me when i need someeone to talk to.to share my prob.


but i guess that time i was just a small girl only understand the meaning of laughter and
happiness.thats is what importanat to me.i would like to talk to you because you teach me religious.it was like more important then anything.more important then studies in normal government school.without it, i can never manage in life.but i learn one thing from you.and it is the most important thing i learn (after religious of course).it is life.


you show me that although you are going to leave us any time, you still show us your smile.you laugh when there is jokes.you never ask for pityness from people around you.you never go around people telling you are sick and leaving them soon.i learn from you that never feel sad on what sickness you have.just continue to have fun in life.appreciate it like you never did.feel the beautifulness of the world.you are such a great person.i can never find a replacement of you.


i think what will happen to me if you are gone.will life be the same.when i think of all the negative answer to this question, i will always quickly pray to HIM and pray that you are going to be fine.and live until you will see me get marrried.wow.im dreaming too much here.i just hope you can be there for me when im geeting married to the guy i love.but then i was just 8 years old then.i pray and pray.hoping nothing will happen to you although you are going in and out from the hospital

then one day, when i went back home from school.it was like a normal day in school.so fun studying with friend and teachers.when i reach the front door, i saw my mom and one of her friends crying.me and him was shocked.we dont want to question you.we though it was family problem.

then i get to know that we have leave singapore and go to malaysia.well me and him was so happy.we are going to meet you at last.we were so happy but we just keep quiet all the way.we rent a family car.14 seater i think.many family member followed us.it was the best journey ever.but when we reach aunt house at malaysia, it was at night.and there is alot of people.like soething was going on.it was weird.everyone women there was crying.when i step in the house, i was a body lying lifeless on a bed at the living room.it was covered.when i get closer to the bed, i saw you face.


i wasnt shocked.i just stared at you and sit beside my cousin.start to read "Qura'an".im not even sad.not a tears drop from my eyes.its like i was ready for you to leave me.its like i know this going to happen.i was scared actually.i was scared to face you.i dont even want to kiss your forehead or even have a second look at you.its like a saw a ghost.went to sleep like nothing was wrong.then when i wake up, i went straight to you and kiss you.still no sadness.the day where you going to get buried i followed all the way.then i feel the sadness.but i control it.then in the bus otw back home.i cried.suddenly.mom ask and i said i dont have grandmother anymore.not even my dad side.she wipe my tear and said it going to be okay.it is so weird and stupid to cry now coz nothing will change, you will still leave me.alone.

I MISS YOU NEK.ALWAYS HAS.AND ALWAYS WILL BE(:
I HOPE YOU ARE HAPPY UP THERE AND DO FORGET ME(:
al-fateha

Amin(:

Labels: nek i miss you forever.

i just paisey myself infront of my mom.haha!i thought today(3 march) was monday.i was so scared for exam until i forget to check the calender.its just that im stress about exam.scared to failed.scared getting scolded.scared that i forget what i study.scared every negative stuff about exam.but i never the hand on studying for very long time.the longest was 4 hours and thats is only for maths.alone.but i fidget alot.from going to toilet to having a drink.i cant stay still for a moment.ok.for today, i studied for Social Studies for 1HRS!see told ya i cant stay long.i need a teacher to be by myside.you guys understand me.rite?but for future sake, i shall just study all day long tmrw.maybe SS again(coz nothing is in my head).then followed by Geography.then Physic.O maths.A maths.Biology at last.so much to leant.so much to be put in this small head.

but nothing is impossible.everything is possible if you put your heart and mind to it.okaaaay.i should like someone.do u think so?hhaha.well gosh.time flew damn fast dont you guys think?i guess it does.now my area was like raining.but i dont i feel cold.but i can see lightning and hear thunder.

eh my favourite song! metro station-shake it.haha.random!

and if she does it like this, will do you do it like that?
now if she touches like this, will you touches her right back?
now if she moves like this, will you her like that?
come on, shake shake, shake shake, a-shake it!

hahaha.ok now im hyper at night.urgh.i miss sleeping late at night.i think this has to stop or ill be friend with panda eyes.

ok another song.leona lewis-bleeding love.

i dont care what they say.
im in love with you.
they try to pull me away.
but they dont knw the truth!

urgh.whay is guy created in this world?is it a must for use to fall ni love with them?
this is so irritating to me.but hack care.i still love my life now.well sometimes.
you guys knw what, i just finish reading my breaking dawn book.it took me 4 bloody day from wed to finish reading it.so long.i hate wednesday.i hate the conversation you had yesterday!it is so weird.people gossip ab t you when you are actually reading it.

well just do it larh.then get out of my life.i dont like th way you talk to me.it is so pathetic.just not the old you i know.you change.but who cares.we hate each othe now.HAH!okok.chiow-ing now coz my mom is 'letcuring" me((:

Labels: where is your mercy?

i cried listening to Miley Cyrus-The climb.if you guy read the lyric and really understand when you are in a knot, you will be touched or cry(like me).damn it larh. lets thanks to the composer and the singer of the song.*woohing*.

appeciate what you have now, coz one day you will miss the future even though you guy are enemy and you arewith someone more fun now.coz your enemy is the best thing to think about. to think about your past hapiness,laughter and your sadness.it is just so fun.i want it back.want it damn badly.i want it more than anything else in the world.it cant be explain my word.but only by heart.*sigh* this is hard for me.and i think the same for anyone else that go thorugh the same as me.i wish you guys luck and hapiness.and if anyone know the best solution to this problem, please i beg you.help me.

i want to talk to you badly.i want to change evrything.but i guess now it is too late for me to do it.i miss you more than anything.i want you back.i swear.but sometime i have to lose somthing.so one of them is you.just hope you are happy now.buhbye dearest((:

Labels: still in my head